חיפוש במערכת החדשה
שיעורים לפי נושאים
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דבר תורה לפרשת כי תצא – "נקי יהיה לביתו"

דבר תורה לפרשת כי תצא – "נקי יהיה לביתו"

בפרשת כי תצא אנו לומדים על יחסה של התורה לגבי יחסי הזוגיות בין גבר לאשה בכל מיני מצבים, בהם: פרשיית אשת יפת תואר, גירושין, ייבום ונישואין.

בשנה הראשונה לנישואין, מדריכה התורה את החתן באופן הבא: " כִּי יִקַּח אִישׁ אִשָּׁה חֲדָשָׁה לֹא יֵצֵא בַּצָּבָא וְלֹא יַעֲבֹר עָלָיו לְכָל דָּבָר נָקִי יִהְיֶה לְבֵיתוֹ שָׁנָה אֶחָת וְשִׂמַּח אֶת אִשְׁתּוֹ אֲשֶׁר לָקָח."

כלומר, המשימה הראשית לשנה הראשונה היא לבנות את התא הזוגי-משפחתי ע"י דאגה מתמדת של החתן בלשמח את אשתו. מעניין לבחון את תפיסת התורה בהקשר זה, אל מול התרבות המערבית הרווחת כיום.

בין כלל לפרט

יסוד גדול ביהדות הוא היחס הראוי בין הפרט לבין הכלל. התרבות המערבית מעצימה את ערך האדם הפרטי על ידי מתן זכויות רבות, בהם: כבוד האדם וחירותו, זכות קניין וכו'. מאחורי עמדה זו ניצבת תפיסה חיובית שרואה באדם ישות מכובדת בפני עצמה, צלם אלוקים, וככזו, יש לשמור על ייחודיותו. החיסרון הגדול בעמדה זו היא, שתומכיה מוכנים לרמוס גם ערכים כללים ולאומיים, ובלבד לשמור על זכות האדם הפרטי. לשיטתם, המדינה, החברה, אינה אלא קיבוץ פרטים שנועדו לקדם את האינטרסים של היחידים בה. קל יותר לשמור על הפרט כאשר קיים ציבור גדול שתומך בכך, מאשר קבוצה קטנה של אנשים, וכן על זו הדרך.

בישראל, יחסי הכוחות הם הפוכים. הערך שעומד במרכז הוא עם ישראל, וממנו נגזר ערכו של הפרט. כלומר, לאדם הפרטי יש ערך בכך שנברא בצלם אלוקים ככל בן אדם בעולם. אולם, היחיד הישראלי מקבל את משמעותו היהודית מתוך חיבורו לכלל ישראל. התורה ניתנה לישראל, דווקא משום שהם עם בעל תכונה של "והייתם לי סגולה מכל העמים", ועם זה מבטא רעיון כללי של "ממלכת כהנים וגוי קדוש". מכאן, העם אינו אוסף של פרטים שמקדמים את רצונותיהם דרך הכלל, אלא ערך הכלל מתבטא על ידי הפרט. דוגמא מוכחת לכך, היא על חיילי בית דוד שהיו נותנים גט כריתות לנשותיהם ערב יציאתם למלחמה. זאת, בכדי שלחימתם למען כלל ישראל לא יושפע ע"י דאגתם הפרטית.

שנה ראשונה לנישואין  

לאחר שלמדנו את אשר נכתב לעיל, נצטרך לברר מדוע בשנה הראשונה לנישואין פוטרת התורה את החתן משירות צבאי במלחמת רשות? הרי פרט מול כלל – כלל קודם, לא?

התשובה לכך היא פשוטה.

בניית בית על בסיס איתן הוא אינטרס ציבורי וכללי לא פחות! חיי המשפחה בישראל אינם רק ברובד הפרטי משפחתי, אלא יש בו ממד ציבורי. לא בכדי, ברגע אינטימי של מעמד החופה והקידושין צריכים מניין בברכת החתנים, וגם בסעודות השמחה צריך מניין הכולל פנים חדשות בכל פעם. הערך הכללי של "גוי קדוש" צריך להתבטא במוקד המהותי והוא חיי המשפחה.

המציאות השלמה זוהי איש ואישה יחד, כפי שמתארת התורה בבריאת העולם: "זכר ונקבה בראם, ויקרא את שמם אדם". החיבור הזה אינו קל השגה, אלא יגיע מתוך עמל ועבודה זוגית על בסיס ערכים רוחניים וכבוד הדדי. מפגש בין שני אנשים השונים כמעט בכל פרמטר אפשרי, כדוגמת: טבע, משפחה, תכונות אופי וכו', המעוניינים לגשר על הפערים ולהתאחד – חייבים לעבוד על כך. לכן השנה הראשונה אמורה לבנות יסודות עמוקים ואיתנים, שיוכלו להעמיד בניין משפחתי לתפארת!

לכן, כאשר מעמידים שני ערכים אחד מול השני: מלחמת רשות אל מול בניית בית – הקמת משפחה גוברת. רק כאשר תהיה סכנה של פיקוח נפש, כל הערכים האחרים יתבטלו בפניה.

שבת שלום

שיעורים אחרונים:

בלנית, כן או לא?

טהרת הטבילה במים אחד האירועים המרגשים והמשמחים בחיי הזוגיות הוא ליל הטבילה, בו שבים בני הזוג לשמוח יחד בחיבור גופני המצטרף לחיבור

מאחורי הטומאה והטהרה

⬅ כיצד טומאה באה לביטוי בימינו?
⬅ האם ניתן למצוא טעם במצוות הטהרה והטומאה?
⬅ האם יש קשר בין חיים לטהרה ובין טומאה למוות?
⬅ התרחקות ככלי לחידוש הקשר הזוגי
⬅ מה מקור ההבדל בין טומאת נידה לטומאת לידה?

נגיעה בעריות, מתי אסורה ומתי מותרת

מקורות הדין בספרא אחרי מות פרשה ט, יג, מבואר שלא רק גילוי עריות אסור, אלא גם קרבה אל העריות אסורה (אלא שלא

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